Marriage in Zambia

Marriage in Zambia is a lot different than American couples. I realized that when Ba Daka came and spoke to use about courting and the marriage process.

Once a girl hits puberty she goes through Kuvundika. Kuvundika is a three month time period when a girl is secluded from society in order to spend that time learning tolerance. They teach the girls how to respect and obey their husbands.

After the three months boys can now begin to notice the girl in which he wants to marry, but before marriage is an option he has to go to both his and her grandparents with a strategy to convince them that he is worthy, which in the U.S is like asking the father for permission to marry his daughter. The girls grandma will then go ask the girl what she knows about him, to make sure they are in love. If it is proven that they are, then the girls’ grandma will take a plate filled with white beats covered to the boys’ grandparents to show approval. It is a gift showing they agree on the marriage of their grandchildren.

Before they are married the boy also goes through a period where he is instructed by an elderly man how to live a married life. When the day comes for them to be married the girl is taken to the boy like a gift.

In urban areas of Zambia weddings have become more westernized with cake, music, and dancing but rural areas still have Zambian traditions. They beat drums and dance traditional dances, but the couple getting married is calm and watches the excitement. Ba Daka said there isn’t a lot of kissing like American weddings where they show how affectionate they are of one another.

After the excitement of getting married they then live together for better or for worse. In Zambia there isn’t a lot of divorce like in America; it has just recently been introduced by younger generations. Couples still do fight like in all relationships, but they don’t let anyone know of their struggles. Zambians are not very open about their relationships; they believe that they should first solve the conflict between themselves and if that’s not possible then go to their grandparents for advice to help. Zambians don’t take their problems to other people or to church, if they talk about marriage problems to friends their marriage will be seen as a failure and won’t last. Ba Daka symbolized their problems as a sealed bucket; when there is a problem they put it in the bucket and then put the lid on and cover it to hide their struggles from others.

Ba Daka went through Kuvundika when she was about fourteen years old. She was then bought with a bride price to show appreciation and has now been married for forty-two years, has several daughters, a son, and ten grandchildren.